And in this corner, weighing in at.....too scared to step on the scale

I have spent the last fifteen years of my life yo-yo'ing between 120 and 160. This blog is my latest effort to try and beat the battle of the binge. I know about nutrition, counting calories, and balancing macronutrients. I know about exercise - previously, I trained for years in martial arts and boxing and have even run two full marathons. And yet despite logically knowing what I need to do to loss and maintain weight, I continually find myself powerless when it comes to food. I would diet for a few months or even a year and lose the weight. When I either reached my goal or thought I could handle an extra snack or two, things always got out of control. Ordering a pizza meant that I would eat an entire box of breadsticks and most of a large pizza. Making a batch of cookie dough would turn into eating full batches by myself every day for weeks on end. Opening a bag of chips resulted in eating a party size bag on my own with  large tub of guacamole.

I have now reached my all-time high weight of 160 - and I'm only 5 feet tall. And 160 is really just an estimate. I just finished eating my breadsticks, pizza, and cookie pie (my farewell meal) so I'm terrified to get on the scale. To keep myself honest, I'll step on in the morning. I'll have a 6 hour drive to DC to be depressed over it. I can't believe I'm actually going to try to stop binging during the holidays, but I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll have to spend next semester's tuition on buying yet another new wardrobe since I'm barely fitting into the one in my closet.

So my plan is not necessarily to diet, but to start eating consciously and getting my butt off the couch. I would like to keep track of what I eat on this blog - not for calorie counting, but to keep myself honest and become aware again of what I'm consuming. Same for working out - posting a workout will just be positive feedback. I'll keep track of days without binging, which is the ultimate goal.

I'd love to hear from anyone who starts reading this blog, anyone who wants a partner on a weight loss journey, and anyone with words of encourage or who has their own story. Fingers crossed....let's get this party started.